You are currently viewing “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” Season 13, Episode 9 recap

“The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” Season 13, Episode 9 recap

When she’s at Kyle’s with Annemarie, Kyle mentions the scripted drama she’s producing, and Dorit doesn’t know anything about it. She also didn’t know about Kyle’s new tattoo or the one she gave Morgan with the letter K. Dorit asks, “What is going on, Kyle? This is a very close friendship.” Um, I think I know what is going on and it probably has something to do with the U-Haul that has been parked in front of Kyle’s house for the last eight months.

It comes up again in the car on the way to Taco Tuesday, and Dorit says she feels like an afterthought in Kyle’s life. She feels like she’s not being excluded from what Kyle and Morgan have, but she feels like she’s being replaced. I don’t know. If anything is being replaced, I have a feeling it’s the AAAs in Kyle’s vibrator. It’s not that she’s worn them out; it’s just that she doesn’t need them with Morgan around. Interestingly, this seemed like a real conversation between two close women, something devoid from the show. Then we find out that Kyle was upset that Dorit didn’t have her back with Kathy at the reunion and always was supportive when the cameras were down but then wasn’t at her side to fight Kathy. Yes, it turns out all fights on the show are about the show.

Everyone filters into Crystal’s house for the Taco Tuesday party and we hear Dorit order her drink at the bar. We’ve seen her order her classic cocktail — Belvedere and soda in a short glass with lots of ice and three lemons, carcass out — several times this season and it stopped right before the famous “carcass out.” I thought maybe they were editing it away. We got the joke out and now it’s over. But no! We heard the whole order and she’s dropped the carcasses. Is that because she’s tired of her own gag? Did someone from the Weekend at Bernie’s Appreciation Society tell her just how fun the carcasses could be? We need another investigation into her now-updated drink order.

Kim Richards also shows up late wearing a leather jacket and a scarf wrapped around her neck one too many times, with a sort of shuffle-y walk we can’t explain. It’s like Crystal ordered a Keith Richards for her party and a Kim Richards showed up. It was crazy enough when she pulled a Kleenex out of her scarf, but I hope that Crystal checked that thing to make sure there were no crayons hidden in there. The last thing you need is to wake up in the morning and find out that you now have a Kim Richards Original in your breakfast nook.

Okay, now that we’re at Crystal’s, it’s time to talk about some fights. The first is between Dorit and, well, just about everyone. It’s between Dorit and sanity. One of Crystal’s friends at the party, Nia, asks Sutton what happened at Magic Mike. Nia, it turns out, is married to comedian Bill Barr, is a helicopter pilot, and just gave Trump the double bird when she saw him in Las Vegas. Why are we messin’ around with this Annemarie character when there is a Nia right here waiting for a contract?

Anyway, Sutton is talking about how she didn’t like Erika and Crystal spreading their legs for dudes at the show. Dorit, trying to prove that Sutton is not as prudish as she would like to come across, brings up that Sutton randomly made out with her driver. Garcelle says that Dorit said it to embarrass Sutton. Embarrass her? The story was told on-camera when the trio of single ladies had drinks. It was then repeated, on-camera, by Erika in front of a roomful of people; why does it seem like Dorit was trying to intentionally embarrass Sutton? And if Sutton doesn’t care about it, why would knowing about it even upset her?

As Dorit explains her position, Sutton says, “Then why did you bring it up? Why did you bring it up? Why did you bring it up?” It’s Name ’Em 2: The Way of Water. This is a strange new tic of Sutton’s. It’s like she caught someone out in a lie and is accusing them of something but also asking a question. However, it is a question she doesn’t want to be answered, though the repetition makes it seem like the person is dodging a question they are actively trying to answer were it not from the haughty interruptions. Now, “Name ’em” was instantly iconic, but if Sutton is going to keep doing this, it’s going to drive everyone insane.

Dorit finally says she thought they were joking and having a back-and-forth. She thought it was banter and didn’t know why they thought she would try to embarrass Sutton. When Garcelle says again that she did it to embarrass Sutton, Dorit says that Garcelle’s remarks are an “attack.” Garcelle starts with a shake of her head and a “this girl” and finishes with a “you and your privilege, I can’t.”

Dorit shoots back with an incredulous, “What does that mean?” Luckily, Erika is across the room looking at her phone and says, “It means you’re white and the words have different connotations. They have different meanings.” Thank you, Erika. Yes, for a white woman to say a Black woman is attacking her when she is merely stating her opinion is just another illustration of the double standard that Black people face in mixed-race situations. It’s like RHONY season 13 all over again, with Luann de Lesseps calling Eboni K. Williams “angry” when Leah McSweeney just stropped off to the Sprinter van and no one said a thing.

Dorit wants Garcelle to explain more, and Garcelle says, “I’m not going to educate you.” Nor should she! That’s why I was so glad when Erika stepped in. White women need to educate each other and hold each other accountable. Garcelle has already been carrying this show for several seasons; let her lay down the burden of teaching this group how to treat a Black woman.

Now Dorit is in an impossible situation of her own devising. She can either go back to the race conversation; go back after Sutton, who everyone now thinks is the reasonable one; or change the subject. She goes for the third option but turns on Crystal for telling Sutton that Dorit said Sutton puts vodka in her coffee. (Did you follow that? I barely did either.) Sutton doesn’t take the bait, so Dorit goes to Denise and asks if she and Erika cleared up everything after Kyle’s weed party. Dorit, stop flailing. Just take the L and don’t drag your girl Erika down with you. Funnily enough, Denise doesn’t take the bait, either, and tells Dorit to just take it down a notch. Instead, Dorit decides to leave entirely. I can’t believe she had all of those interactions and didn’t blush even once.

Ironically, once Dorit leaves, the Denise and Erika topic resurfaces, and Denise wants to talk about it and Erika doesn’t. Earlier, Erika told Sutton and Garcelle that she had moved on from this years-old fight with Denise and didn’t want to discuss it again. Here, she says she doesn’t want to talk about it because she felt like Denise showed up at Kyle’s with an agenda, and that agenda only had two words on it: “Erika” and “Bitch.”

Erika points out all the mean things Denise said about her to Kyle and the other women. Denise then brings up her trouble with Erika, which is that she insinuated that her 14-year-old daughter engaged in a threesome. All right, no one believes that. This stems from the fight where Erika was talking about a menage á trois at a party in front of Denise’s kids. When Denise was incensed, Erika said something to the effect that the kids know what a threesome is and they have probably been in one now. I don’t think Erika was talking about Denise’s daughters specifically but about teens in general. She was saying that when everyone has a porn machine in their front pocket, you can’t really shield your children from this stuff.

This is the worst kind of Housewife fight. Denise seems to be willfully misinterpreting Erika’s statement for ammunition in a fight against her. It’s like when Gizelle Bryant made a joke about Ray Huger being so old he’s dead, and Karen Huger spent a whole season saying Gizelle “wished her husband dead.”

When Denise brings this up, Erika says, “Okay, your oldest daughter is on OnlyFans. She doesn’t know?” Okay, this was below the belt, but Erika is using OnlyFans to make her point. This girl is on a site mostly used for porn, but she is going to be scandalized by learning about a threeway? Point taken. Denise says it’s a low blow, and it is, but I think given the context, it makes sense.

Erika then talks about what a mess Denise was at that party and how she showed up trying to settle a score with Erika. Denise says that Erika is a mean woman, and Erika says Denise asked for it. Erika is right, Denise came gunning for her and Erika outgunned her. If Erika had left it there, it would have been a dirty fight but fair.